No, this isn’t a comment on America(ns) as a disconnected (or overly connected) society or anything equally over-written or potentially self-aggrandizing. There is an actual link (as much as one can make, I reckon).
Yesterday, there was a certain point late in the third quarter of the Saints/Steelers game that I totally lost interest. No, It wasn’t due to Reggie’s fumble (although he did have that spectacular touchdown earlier), it was Richard. No, his real name isn’t Richard, I’m just using it to protect the living, for what it’s worth.
Richard, it seems, snapped yesterday. Long story short, he got in an argument with his girlfriend, shot the dog, and sat in his house in a standoff with the NOPD and its SWAT Team for about 5 or 6 hours yesterday afternoon / evening before eventually peacefully surrendering.
Richard is (was? I mean, he shot the dog.) a friend of mine, a guy I would shoot pool with regularly. And I just learned that it was the roommates’ boyfriend’s pit bull, not his dog “Ozzie”. Apparently the pit had a habit of attacking both Richard and Ozzie.
We spent a number of hours wondering if our friend was going to be alive or dead at the end of the day. We just didn’t know, and we knew that there wasn’t one thing we could do about it.
Things are just off here. I really don’t know how to properly, much less succinctly, put it any other way. In the span of a couple of weeks, we had the whole Zack and Addie murder/suicide, Bucky’s suicide, and now Richard. All people I knew. Many of us (at least I am) are burning holes in the bottom of our pint glasses wondering “Who is next?”
It would seem children, that there is no end in sight. It’s a sort of a “one foot in front of the other” situation. One day at a time.
So, it’s really no wonder that last night I dreamt of zombies. My subconscious needs a rest, methinks. Hello? Captain Obvious? Usually, I think I’d enjoy a zombie dream. It’s like a video game but much more immersive and real.
So, a quick recap of the dream, before I continue. I’m not sure where I am, but it definitely isn’t New Orleans. It’s a place I’m apparently familiar enough with, but not the Nolia. I can’t get home to get my guns or any other supplies, and I’m trying to round up everyone to ensure the highest rate of survival for as many people as possible. And while this isn’t NOLA, everyone from there is there.
One by one (or few by few), people get separated, lost. I can’t help everyone. I lose Kelly, I lose Jonah and Shannah, some people I went to high school with, some of my bartenders, and lots more. You get the idea, pretty much everyone. The overall theme? It’s eventual. One by one, bit by bit we go. No matter how hard you try, you are just going to lose some people. I keep trying, but eventually it’s just me on my own. Trying to help all, only able to save myself.
It’s not due to incompetence or a lack of ability, it’s just the situation. There is only so much you can do, the rest is up to others and the shuffle of the cards. That’s how it just is.
That’s pretty much it. Like I said, obvious, no real need for deep interpretation. It would just be nice to get restful sleep when it is really needed. And no need to worry kids, you know me. I’ll be fine. Sometimes, I just don’t really like “There’s only so much you can do.” outlook.
And the Saints lost. Damn.
“And I want to know
The same thing
Everyone wants to know
How’s it going to end?”
– Tom Waits, How’s it going to end?
Let me first qualify what I’m about to say. I love New Orleans. I’m currently not there, and am instead in Baltimore. I am so very very homesick. Luckily (and unluckily of course) my wife is still in New Orleans, so I have a very good excuse to fly down every few weeks.
Nothing can ruin my trip in. No matter how many things go wrong, how late the plane is, nothing can dampen my spirit because I’m coming home to New Orleans. This whole situation (of me not being there) is a result of Katrina.
Now, that said, there are some days when I just wish Katrina would have finished the job. Much like my former home, the Tulane School of Engineering, New Orleans seems to be undergoing a long, slow, painful death. And it’s worse in some ways than it being gone altogether.
I hope it recovers. I hope it doesn’t just slide into the abyss (or the gulf for that matter). And I think it stands an okay chance of recovering. But every week or two I hear more of these stories. It causes one of the deepest feelings of sadness I’ve ever felt. Not a superficial kind. Not something that shows up on the surface. Just this deep, sick feeling.
I know this isn’t a very “up” comment, and you don’t seem to be looking for those anyway, but here’s hoping things get better, or stop getting worse.
You are definitely not alone with the zombie dreams. I’ve had them off and on since last september.
>Sometimes, I just don’t really like “There’s only so much you can do.” outlook.
And yeah, that’s pretty much it.
i’m impressed that you’re still not smoking.
Will–
Let’s grab a beer when I’m there for Thnx-Givin.
Damn Zombies…. I’m 900 miles away and I have the same deal…
cheers,
Andy.