So it is upon us. Hurricane Season. Already.
And to celebrate, we have our first named Atlantic Storm! Hooray!
Someone, please, go get Nash Roberts out of retirement. He is probably the one man who could get me to evacuate.
Nash is a bit of a legend down here. The man groks hurricanes.
During Georges (one that was supposed to hit us hard back in ’98), all of the meterologists on all the other news stations were freaking out, telling us using computer projections that it would hit us and mass destruction would ensue, etc. Some people freaked out. Many waited to see what Nash would say (he actually came out of semi-retirement for that storm).
Out comes Nash, with his big white pad of paper and some big black markers saying, “It’s going to hit Mobile.” Let me tell ya, Mobile got it in the ass from Georges.
Right through the pants.
He just understands hurricanes at an inhuman level, which prompts me to publish my The Mighty Nash™ (been a while sine I bolded and trademarked, eh?) theory. Here’s the quick rundown:
Nash isn’t human. Well, he’s part human. His mother was human.
You see, what happened is this: Nash’s mom went out one night to a little dive bar down in the Bywater one night. It had been a long day, it happens, nobody’s judging anyone here. Nothing wrong with a bit of the booze, is there?
To make a long story short, she ended up getting shit-hammered drunk on rum and had a threesome with two guys. I’m totally serious and not making this up.
Well, these weren’t any two dudes. They were Poseidon (God of the Sea) and Æolus (God of the Winds). Yeah, you know how those Greek gods were. Always chasing the mortal tail. Especially when there was a chance of a Menage a III. Wait, those are Roman Numerals. Eh.
Nine months later, thunder rolls, lightning crashes, and Nash ensues.
There is no other reasonable explanation other than the one I just gave.
Come back, Nash. We need you.
Nash was the greatest weather man who ever lived. I think you’re gonna have to settle for Dan Milham, Bob “the wig” Breck and Carl Arredondo.
In other news it looks like Alberto is going to become a Hurricane.
“Tis the season” just reminded me… We used to buy christmas trees from Nash, his family had a treefarm up in Folsom. I remember meeting him and realizing how short he is.